Do you ever have that feeling, that uneasy feeling? Maybe something isn’t right? I can’t fall asleep, I can’t really talk to anyone because it’s so late. But really…nothing is wrong. Right?
Sometimes I believe my emotions get the best of me, as well as my ability to feel so connected to people. It’s rough you know, being a people person and living in 2 different states. It’s terribly hard realizing that your once hated summer has turned out to be a time where you find blessed relationships and long lasting friendships. But what really sucks is the inevitable goodbye. I think this is where the unsettled heart comes from.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. Going back to Taylor in a couple weeks, and leaving Florida ONE week from today. I’m so excited to see all my friends again as I haven’t seen them in three and a half months. It’s exciting because I get to see my boyfriend and we can stop this long distance nonsense; and it’s phenomenal because I get to go back to school and finish my education! But along with all these good things comes great sadness, as I have to leave the life I’ve created for myself here in Florida this summer.
As you well know, the beginning of the summer was just… a loss cause. It was pretty much as bad as it gets, but that is just because I let it be that way. I learned a lot this summer about perspective and let me tell you…I had the WORST perspective on life at the beginning. But now that I’ve accepted where I am, and had finally committed myself to being in the “here and now”, well life is great here! And I can’t imagine leaving here. But alas, the time has come to say goodbye yet again.
You know, now that I think about it; life is filled with goodbyes. I never really understood the comment when people say ‘it’s not goodbye, it’s only see ya later’. Yeah, that’s great…but it’s still goodbye. You are saying farewell to a person, and it’s a good thing because it’s a good relationship that you are leaving behind. You might not necessarily be saying goodbye to that relationship though, as technology is crazy now and we can just text someone every second of everyday (not that I do that or anything) but you are saying goodbye to the convenience. The convenience of being in a relationship that resolves to two or more people being together in one area.
It stinks though, to realize that life if full of goodbyes. There really is no easy way around it, it is the way that it is. I wish I had some really positive conclusion to this realization but I don’t today. Goodbyes happen daily around the world, and they seem to happen a lot when you are a person who goes to school in one state, lives across the country in another, and has a parent living in a completely different state and friends all around the GLOBE. Yeah, that’s right. Think about that. It’s hard. It’s hard to realize that goodbyes are an aspect of my life that I will never get rid of. As much as I want it to happen. God didn’t make it that way.
But all in all, these uneasy feelings are what keep me awake at night. These are the ones that I dread every summer. These are the ones that hurt the most after months of being away and near those I love dearly. They are the feeling of things being changed once I leave this place. The feeling of change when I go back to where I came from. These feelings are painful, because they mean change and I’m not the best with change. Change is a scary, uneasy feeling but it’s something we were called to do.